A World Between Two Worlds

I was born in China and at 18 months of age, I was adopted by my super white parents who were from the United States. They had already adopted one daughter and when my sister was 7 years old, they traveled to China for a second time to get another daughter. 

Growing up, I never really realized that there was a difference between me and the other students. I went to school in a neighborhood where Asian Americans made up about 3% of the population, but I was never treated any different. I was just another kid in the neighborhood. My parents did an excellent job at being open about my sister and I being adopted and they also immersed us in Chinese culture. We celebrated different Chinese holidays like Lunar New Year, Mooncake Festival, and Dragon Boat Festival. And once a month we traveled to Chinatown to have dim sum. Even though we incorporated Chinese culture in a very rudimentary and American way, it made my sister and I feel special and connected to where we came from while also deepening our family connections.

Despite a positive upbringing as an Asian adoptee, the first time I realized I wasn’t like my peers was when a student brought up my adoption as a way to get under my skin. I was once told, “your parents will leave you like your birth parents did!” I was the only child in my class who was both adopted and a person of color. This instance stuck with me because it was the first time that someone brought it up in a negative way instead of just as a fun fact about me. When I went home that night, I told my parents what happened and they rushed to assure me that they would always be there for me and that they chose me.

I finished the rest of middle school without another incident and I made friends with another one of the Asian American students in the school. Even now, 12 years later, we are still incredibly close and we keep in contact often. But through her, I got to know more about Chinese culture and her family. My friend would be sick of her mother’s Asian cooking, like dumplings, while I envied her. I loved going for dim sum throughout my childhood but here was someone who had their mom make Chinese cuisine frequently at home. We each thought the other was the luckiest person and we sometimes we swapped lunches for fun.

When I went to high school, I was exposed to more Asian American students as my high school was a feeder school that many different towns had sent their students. Many of the other Asian American students came from families that immigrated to the United States at some point so their families still held many Asian cultural values. I was surrounded by people whose parents pushed them to be high achieving in a less than supportive way. Think of the stereotypical Asian mom from Fresh off the Boat. This family dynamic was nothing that I was used to as my parents were warm and supportive of my interests. While I got along with the other Asian American students well enough, I couldn’t relate to their backgrounds and family dynamics the way that they could. 

When I started to make friends with the white students from my high school, I noticed that I didn’t quite fit in with them either because they held a certain preconceived notion of what I should be like based off their interactions with the other Asian American students. Luckily, I was a pretty social kid in high school so I was able to mesh with a few different friend groups and I got through high school like anyone else. 

It wasn’t until I started college that I started to forge my own identity. College is an amazing time for growth because I didn’t know anyone. It was a fresh start away from my high school where everyone knew everyone in some form through the grapevine. I focused on my classes and went out of my way to meet other students by playing at the tennis courts frequently. I also joined a learning-living community so that I could surround myself with likeminded students who loved the S.T.E.M field. 

It was through my living community that I met a few other Asian adoptees who had similar stories to mine. They were adopted from China by white parents and they struggled to find their own identity, so we learned to forge our own together as Asian American Adoptees. I learned through this group that there was a Facebook group called Subtle Asian Traits which was filled with Asian Adoptees all willing to share their story. It was thrilling to connect with others like me on a platform where we could all share our stories and give support on how to forge our own destinies away from the stereotypes others tried to force on us.

It takes a long time to figure out our own identities. I am still figuring out mine but I have figured out the things that are important to me. I have learned that family is not always blood. Family are the people you surround yourself with because they love you and you love them. I love my parents and I appreciate the life that they have given me. I love my friends because they teach me that I am right where I am meant to be. And I love my life because I am unique and I don’t need to fit into any one box. I am not defined by my face or my parents’, I am defined by my actions, my words, and my values. 

Life is what we make it and life is too short to listen to small minded individuals telling you what your identity should be. Make the most of your life and move to the beat of your own drum!

Thank you for hanging around for the second installment of where I come from. Maybe together we can figure out where we are going.